Family and friends of people who died by suicide now have a memorial in Queen of Heaven Cemetery in Hillside that they can visit and remember their loved ones.

The Archdiocese of Chicago is the first Catholic diocese in the United States to create a memorial in a Catholic cemetery for survivors and lives lost to suicide.

Auxiliary Bishop Larry Sullivan, vicar general for the Archdiocese of Chicago and former director of Catholic Cemeteries for the archdiocese, led a prayer service on June 26 to bless the “At Peace” memorial, which is located near the cemetery’s main entrance off Wolf Road.

Bishop Sullivan spearheaded the effort to create the memorial as a visible sign of the church’s commitment to accompanying those who grieve the loss of a loved one to suicide as well as to affirm God’s enduring mercy and love for those who died by suicide.

Historically, the Catholic Church denied Catholic funerals in churches and burials in consecrated ground for individuals who died by suicide.

The church has undergone a significant transformation in its understanding of suicide and mental illness and now recognizes that many who die by suicide suffer from mental illness and unbearable pain. The church now embraces these individuals and affirms that they are with God, not condemned.

The memorial shrine is dedicated in honor of Father Charles Rubey, founder of Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide, or LOSS, who has spent 50 of his 60 years in priestly ministry fighting the stigma surrounding suicide and working with surviving family members.

Bishop Sullivan and Rubey collaborated with nine team members, including Milwaukee-based Inspired Artisans, to refine the concepts and determine the memorial’s final design, including two original sculptures.

The first piece, “Embracing Angel,” is a six-foot-tall cast bronze sculpture featuring an angel whose wings cradle a granite bench. The sculpture is intended to offer a sense of comfort and support to anyone who sits within the angel’s embrace.

The second piece,“Ascending Doves,” is a 20-foot-tall sculpture composed of stainless steel and bronze atop a solid granite base weighing more than 10,000 pounds. The sculpture features nine bronze doves rising upward, symbolizing hope and transcendence.

“We did not want this memorial hidden away and we were intentional in every detail from the location to the design,” Bishop Sullivan said. “This is not something we are ashamed of. It is something we are committed to addressing with compassion, understanding and faith.”

“Mental illness and suicide can leave families feeling isolated,” he added. “One of the most important things we can do as a community is acknowledge their grief, remember their loved ones, and walk with them on the path toward healing.”

The Lord is with us in times of terrible pain, such as losing a loved one to suicide, Bishop Sullivan said.

“We are never, ever alone,” he said. “And God’s love is always greater than we are. The truth is, I cannot do anything to force God to love me. But on the other hand, I cannot do anything to prevent God from loving me. God’s love is a gift. And our challenge is to respond to that love, not to try to earn it. I really believe that God’s love for us is far greater than any of our faults and our failings. I believe that God’s love is greater than our inadequacies. God loves us with our gifts and our talents and our faults and our failings, and it is a love that is freely given.”

For over 40 years, Rubey has helped people navigate the experience of losing a loved one to suicide, which still has a stigma attached to it. He helps them move on and live again, he said.

“It is a long battle, and it’s never over,”  Rubey said. “I’ve always explained to people this is something you’re not going to get over. The goal for the LOSS program is not to help people get over this, but to help people learn to live with this.”

Early on in his ministry, Rubey developed his own ritual service to bless places where people died by suicide.

“I’ve been on high rises. I’ve been on railroad tracks. I’ve been in basements, offices, and all that to bless the place because I honestly believe it’s holy and sacred,” he said. “They’re not in hell. They’re with God.”