Chicagoland

Losing a loved one during the pandemic

By Michelle Martin | Staff writer
Wednesday, May 6, 2020

A sign reminding visitors that large gatherings are prohibited is displayed at the entrance of Maryhill Cemetery in Niles during the pandemic. (Karen Callaway/Chicago Catholic)

This is a terrible time to lose a loved one, whether it’s to COVID-19 or not.

That’s the conclusion of people who minister to grieving families who now must navigate new rules as they seek to lay their loved ones to rest.

“This is not a happy story,” said Father Larry Sullivan, pastor of Christ the King Parish, 9235 S. Hamilton Ave., and priest director of Catholic Cemeteries of the Archdiocese of Chicago. “There’s good ministry that’s going on, but this is a terrible time to lose a loved one.”

Sullivan, speaking by phone in April, said he knew of at least a couple of parish families with someone close to death, and it hurt for the parish to not be able to minister to them in the way it normally would. “The only thing we can really do is reach out by phone and keep in touch with people,” Sullivan said. “I have facilitated Zoom conversations where people are sharing about their loved ones, between family members who can’t visit.”

After someone dies, priests can be part of services at funeral homes, with no more than 10 people present, including ministers and funeral directors and everyone involved practicing social distancing. They can also be part of the graveside committal service, once again limited to 10 people, all at least 6 feet apart.

“It’s awkward because we’re human and we want to be able to give someone a hug, and we can’t do that,” said Father Michael Scherschel, pastor of St. Hubert Parish in Hoffman Estates. “And for a lot of families who couldn’t visit someone in the hospital, they feel like their loved one died alone, even though that’s not true.”

Scherschel said that area funeral homes are working with parishes, even though it is difficult for them as well.

Kathy Ahlgrim of Ahlgrim and Sons Funeral Home in Schaumburg said that when a Catholic family comes to them, they work with the parish so the family can select the readings and hymns they want. While the in-person mourners are limited in number, the funeral home livestreams both the prayer services in the funeral home and the committal services from the cemetery so that others can watch.

“I’ve had families tell me that they went back and watched again later, and got some comfort from that,” Ahlgrim said.

Ahlgrim said it’s been difficult for funeral directors to take on the enforcement of the 10-people-or-less rule, but that’s the position they’ve been put in.

Sullivan said most people do understand.

“We have people who are very, very upset about it, but they understand it,” he said. “It has been very, very painful for people.”

Parishes also are trying to provide what comfort they can. Livestreamed daily and Sunday Masses allow parishioners to hear their loved ones prayed for, and many parishioners are pleased to learn that although they cannot have a funeral Mass in the church now, they can have a memorial Mass once social distancing restrictions are eased, Scherschel said.

“We need to tell them we will be there for them in the fullness of their grief,” he said.

In the meantime, parishes are learning to support at a distance, Sullivan said.

“Not everybody would welcome a plant coming to their house the same way they would do a couple of months ago,” he said. “People might still be dropping off casseroles, but not in as organized a way as the used to. Everybody who’s going through this is taking it differently.”

Topics:

  • catholic cemeteries
  • coronavirus
  • bereavement

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