As parents, it seems like we spend a lot of time and effort on please and thank you. From the time our babies grow into toddlers and start learning to speak, we encourage and cajole and demand that they use these words, the most basic forms of politeness. “Water,” they manage to get out. “Water, please,” we say as we hand them the cup. “Now thank you.” Later, it’s “Can I have a drink of water?” and “What’s the magic word?” and “What do you say?” as you hand it over. Later still, a text from a teenager: “Pick me up at 6” gets a response of, “Do you mean, ‘Will you please pick me up at 6? Thank you.’” The thing is, neither please nor thank you actually add any information to the conversation. By asking for something, our children are letting us know they want it. We can assume they are happy when we give them what they requested. “Please” might be a shortened form of “if it pleases you,” but I’m under no illusions that Teresa is thinking about what will please me when she asks for a snack before dinner. Even in the text conversation above, if my 14-year-old son is out somewhere, we would have already worked out that he needs a ride home, and we are really just pinning down the time. So why do we emphasize saying please and thank you so much? Is it so much social lubrication, words we say to make people think well of us? Words we insist our children say to make people think well of them, and by extension, think well of us as their parents? Well, yes, sometimes. But those words that can seem insignificant also perform another function: they remind the person asking for and receiving something that they need help, that they are, to whatever limited extent, at the mercy of the other person in the conversation. Babies and toddlers are, by definition and design, self-centered little creatures. It takes time for them to understand that they are not literally the only person in the world, and longer still to understand that other people have different wants and needs than they do. They’re not the only ones; we adults sometimes forget that the whole world doesn’t revolve around us. Saying please and thank-you reminds us all that we are not the only one who is important in this relationship. It’s no accident that supplication (saying please) and gratitude (saying thank you) are two of the main forms of prayer. We live in relationship to God, and we do well to remember how much we need God’s presence in our lives. As for praise, the third form of prayer? Well, it might not happen often, but it’s wonderful to hear “You’re the best mom in the world.”