There has been much debate on mommy-blogs and other cyber forums about who mothers should love more: their husbands or their kids. Some contend that having brought children into the world, it’s a mother’s duty to sacrifice everything necessary for them. Others say kids are (or should be) the product of a loving marriage, and that marriage trumps the parent-child relationship. At the risk of sounding like I’m scolding my kids, everybody should just cut it out. When people start to play the who-do-you-love-more game, nobody wins, and everyone ends up losing at least a little dignity. I love my family — all of them — and I refuse to choose a favorite. Ask me who I would rescue from a burning building, and the answer would be that I would probably start with the baby. She can’t walk yet. I would count on my husband to also be saving the kids. Besides, I don’t think I could carry him. Ask me who I couldn’t live without, my husband springs to mind first. But while the kids seem to need me more than I need them at this point, how would I go on without any of them? I think I would go on — people seem to — but I can’t imagine how. God gave them to our family, and they are all necessary. That’s the point I remember making to Caroline when she was 2 and Frank was a baby. Of course he needed lots of attention, and of course that meant that Caroline sometimes had to wait for things. And when he became mobile, of course he sometimes got into her things. So he was not always her favorite person. But I told her that she loved him anyway, because he was her brother. It wasn’t really a choice. They still argue and bicker; now Frank is an active participant. But sometimes, especially when they think I’m not looking, they go beyond getting along and take care of each other. I asked once if they thought Teresa would argue with them the way they do with each other when she gets older; they both thought she would. I don’t think so; when she is 5, Caroline will be driving. The age gap is too wide. Now neither of the older kids gets mad at Teresa for taking too much parental attention; any anger gets directed at we parents instead. That’s OK. For all our baby-besottedness, we love Caroline and Frank just as much as we ever did, just as much as we love Teresa, even if she’s too young to try to push our buttons. In the Gospels, Jesus says to love God with your whole heart, soul and mind, and to love your neighbor as yourself. He doesn’t say anything about which family member to love more.