Baptisms, First Communions and confirmations usually involve special clothes and a party. Weddings and ordinations are often even bigger celebrations. But first reconciliation — what most adults probably remember fondly or not as “first confession” — doesn’t usually come with all the bells and whistles attached. As most Catholic schools and religious-education programs prepare to celebrate their First Communions in the spring, it’s a given that the children who are making Communion this year have also had their first reconciliation, most often during the seasons of Advent or Lent. Despite the somewhat ominous memories that their parents might have, their teachers and catechists work to make sure that the occasion is one of joy, not fear. “I find that every parent has their own horror story,” said Sandy Vasek, coordinator of religious education at St. Kieran in Chicago Heights. “And they love to share them with the children.” But after weeks and months of preparation, the children usually understand that there is nothing to fear. “We focus on the positive,” Vasek said. “This is a sacrament of healing. This is a sacrament of joy. This is a sacrament where they get to talk with Jesus.” Mary Jane Shields, the director of religious education at St. Mary and St. Stephen Protomartyr parishes in Des Plaines, along with their school, Our Lady of Destiny, said that teachers and catechists stress that “it’s a little talk with Jesus. It’s nothing to be nervous about. And because it’s a talk — a conversation — it’s important that they listen to the priest as well as talk.” Teachers emphasize that reconciliation is an opportunity to get closer to God, who can forgive anything they might have done. “We remind them that God loves them, no matter what they do,” Vasek said. A little different today At many parishes in the Archdiocese of Chicago, the rite does not look like it once did. While children still go through all the essentials — an examination of conscience, a spirit of repentance, making an Act of Contrition and confessing their sins to a priest and performing whatever penance is given to them — they generally don’t have to walk alone into a small confessional and kneel in the dark. Rather, they are generally walked up and introduced to the priest by their parents, in full view but out of earshot of all the children and families participating, and they sit face to face while they make their confessions. Parents are encouraged to receive the sacrament at the same time. “No one can hear them, but they can look up and see there’s Mrs. Vasek and there’s my teacher and my parents are right over there,” Vasek said. At Transfiguration Parish in Wauconda, the children use the reconciliation rooms that have screened and face-to-face options. Most choose face-to-face, said Kathy Rymut, the director of religious education. ‘Conscience’ questions Rymut said catechists at Transfiguration put a special emphasis on the examination of conscience, asking children to think about their actions in relation to home, school, play and with God. She visits each classroom to ask students what kinds of sins they think an 8-year-old might have trouble with, and incorporates those into the examination of conscience she puts together each year. “That’s how you know they really get it,” said Rymut, adding that occasionally, a student will suggest that someone might confess that they killed somebody. “Then I’ll ask, would an average 8-year-old have done that?” Others say they also make sure children understand what is not a sin — things like making an honest mistake, for example. Different parishes use different symbols to illustrate the sacrament. In the Des Plaines parishes, each child carries an unlighted candle to the priest, who lights it after hearing the child’s confession. At Transfiguration Parish in Wauconda, the children learn about the parable of the lost sheep, and each child makes a sheep to be displayed on a banner in the church. Involving parents Children and parents always are encouraged to make frequent use of the sacrament, although religious educators report mixed levels of success. However, children who attend Catholic schools or religious education generally do receive the sacrament at least once a year. Shields said more parents might receive the sacrament if parishes offered more family reconciliation services, with individual confessions. “I think it’s hard even for adults to go into the confessional on their own,” she said. “If they are bringing their child, and it’s more of a liturgy, more might come.” At the end of the preparation period, the educators report, most students have gotten over their initial concerns (“At the beginning, they’re all afraid the priest is going to tell on them,” Vasek said. “We explain they can never do that.”) and, while they might be a little nervous about getting it right, they are also very excited. “They are so ready,” Rymut said. And when they have received the sacrament, the children come away with a sense of lightness and well-being. “I always tell them when I see them in the next few days, ‘You’re still glowing,’” Vasek said.